Category: Humor


…What is this place?

*Blows dusts off the handle and gently pushes the door open with a long, rusty squeak* “…Hello?” No reply, no one has been here in ages.

Darkness inhabits this dusty space, broken up only by shapes almost indistinguishable and the hanging cobwebs. It looks like I’ve stumbled into an attic of a long abandoned home. A few small shafts of light break through a dusty window across the small room from me, and I cross over to it with damp rag in hand. In a few short moments I have a dingy circle of somewhat clean glass and light pours into the room behind me.

The shapes are boxes, long abandoned, folded shut, and covered in a film of dust like everything else in this place. A few steps beyond the boxes is another shape, this one resembling a piece of furniture hidden beneath a drape cloth. Hopefully it doesn’t have any mice inhabiting it.

Taking ahold of the cloth, I pull it back to reveal an old armchair, still looking as loved as it once was beneath its cover. It’s a dusty red with dark, faded bronze paisley patterns covering it in little tufts of velvet. A few prods into the seat reveal it’s still cushy enough to sit in and steady enough to take the weight.

Lifting up the top box, I take a seat, and open the folded lid. Inside are pictures, memories I’ve stored in this place from time that is actually told. A small, wistful smile comes to my face as I look over them. I’m not the same girl I once was, and my life has changed so much since then.

I take a look at the room around me; perhaps it is time I come back to this space, perhaps it is time I make it usable and homey again. Perhaps I shall come back from time to time and make the window open a little bit wider. Perhaps, or perhaps not. I shrug, time will only tell.

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So, took a personality test, I’m an orange *runs around wildly with her arms stretched out behind her* so that means I’m impulsive *tabs over to webcomic hosting site then back here* creative *sews a plush toy in the shape of a dragon, rawr* and spontaneous *taps dances a jig on the roof*

 

Yeah, I only actually did one of those things. But here’s a good overview: http://voices.yahoo.com/what-color-personality-orange-1898876.html?cat=72 *turns on the Ping Pong song*

Rule One: Obey All Rules.

Second, do not write on the walls…as it takes a lot of work…to erase writing…off of walls.

Found this in the bathroom at work, fortunately I didn’t have to clean it off 😀

Time for another update from the store and all that happened this weekend!

Saturday afternoon a group of teenagers came in from mostly likely a game of some sort since most of them had their faces painted in uniform styles and colors. One young man even brought in his ukulele and proceeded to pluck it softly whilst he was in the store. Upon his leaving he turned in the doorway and said, “Goodbye Braum’s!” To which I replied, “Goodbye, Braum’s customer!”

Le frequent customer comes towards my register while holding a single tub of ice cream in a way that can only be described as dramatic. I extend my arm in equally dramatic pose and proceed to ring it up for him.

Le me at counter all day long and I noticed a trend. Me: Total is $10. Customer: Hands me a $20. Me:Total is $13.78. C:Another $20. Me: $6.79, have a $20. $5, take my $20. $0.05, break my $20….WHAT IS UP WITH ALL YOUR STINKING $20s PEOPLE!!!

The next thing that happened inspired me to use something other than words to describe the scene. So behold, my excellently illustrated artwork!!!

So that’s it for this week, tune in next week for more randomness, different time, different place.

Don’t fear the reaper but…

But oh baby, you had best to be fearing the creeper!

What is it with me and my luck? First it was that flirty old guy now it’s a genuine creeper (my manager told me he’s been convicted and everything)! I don’t think I’m flirtatious, I mean I try to be friendly and smiley to everyone, it’s part of my job for goodness sake! I don’t act like a slut, I don’t dress suggestively, I hardly ever wear jewellery or even make up for that matter.  So anyways what’s up with this rant you ask? Well there’s this older guy about ten years older than my dad who comes in frequently. He came in when I first started my shift and we got to talking (why do all the creepy ones buy huge arm loads of groceries?). I went over the basics and somehow we got on the subject that he was gonna go play pool that evening and he asked if I played. The last time I played pool was over at my Grandpa’s house; he lives about four states away from me and the last I saw him was over Thanksgiving. Guy asks what I was planning after work, I said sleeping. And people, when I say sleeping, I MEAN SLEEPING! I enjoy sleeping, alone, all night long, by myself. Sleeping. He didn’t believe me apparently but I found that out later.  One thing I noticed about him was his gaze, there was something about it that kept your eyes focused on him but I didn’t realise what it was until another co-worker pointed it out: HE HAD YELLOW EYES!!! Shows how observant I am, sheesh. He asked if I was interested in learning, I said no. I thought that was clear enough…

Later on in the night the man came back, I was still manning the register. He bought one item then proceeded to tell me he had decided to go gambling instead of playing pool (I’m against gambling) and laid down a piece of paper with his name, number, and the words “Call me” on it and explained that he’d be willing to teach me pool. Feller, I may be dumb and unobservant, but I ain’t that stupid. I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t interested, I had no time to play pool with only having one day off between two jobs, and I most certainly did NOT want that piece of paper…all while being a nice grocery lady *insert halo* and backing away not so slowly. I don’t know what he did with the paper but it wasn’t there when I came back later. I told my co-worker, who in turn told my manager, (she’s a sweet old lady with a great heart and good sense of humor 🙂 who in turn warned me that they’d had problems with that guy in the past and he was in fact a genuine creeper and to avoid him the best I could in the future. That part I was already planning to do.

So, as of now, I’m no longer going to be nice grocery lady to old single men (old herein meaning anyone over 35, that’s the age my co-worker gave me ;), I’m not gonna talk to them, I ain’t gonna be overly friendly, and I’m gonna get their groceries scanned faster than they’ve ever seen before. *Sigh* it’s enough to make me wanna look for a different job, but there’s sure be creepy guys, and gals for that matter (I’ve yet to run into one), pretty much everywhere.

Ah, that felt good to get out of my system. Goodnight y’all.

Chuck Norris was a Fake

Otherwise titled The End of Innocence.

Wednesday afternoon I got a haircut and style at a little hole in the wall called Jekyll and Hyde Transformation Salon in the downtown Dallas area. It was a really cute place, decorated with huge mirrors and multicolored walls and paintings in a tasteful manner.  Two ladies greeted me and my fam (my little bro was going to get a haircut as well) and sat me down to get my hair shampooed. The lady washing my hair was a sweet gal, fresh out of beautician school, so we got to talking about what she did before that. Turns out she had been the personal assistant to Chuck Norris’ STUNT DOUBLE for about six years. I never watched the show but I do know several Chuck Norris fans. I wonder if they know he had a stunt double, hmmm. After a nice shampoo and head massage the owner sat me down and styled my hair not too differently than I had before but now if I pull up my hair into a ponytail just enough hangs down the sides that I look Asian. Not necessarily a bad thing, I kinda liked it and got a few compliments on the cuteness of the look. My mom thought otherwise, lol.

One Too Many Winks

Those of you who work in a job where you’re constantly dealing with people know there are a few cardinal rules you have to follow: keep good eye contact, smile, be pleasant and courteous no matter what kind of day you might be having, etc… I broke one of those rules the other day because I came across one of the cardinal exceptions: the flirt.

There are those people who will wink at you naturally in reply or in good humor, nothing wrong with that. This guy was different. I was smiling and was in a pretty good mood that day when he came up to my counter. He winked, I scanned, made eye contact, another wink. Something was up. He had a pretty big load of groceries so it was taking a while to get it all scanned and bagged (I bag them myself in paper bags. Paper bags are harder to fill in my personal opinion than plastic ones). Every time we made eye contact this man winked at me and he had to be at least ten years older than me. That was it: no more nice grocery lady. My smile wilted, my eyes became less sparkly (yes, I can turn that off and on on cue, oh yeah…ok maybe not), and I did my level best not to make eye contact with the man. I finished his order and handed him his bags faster than you could say “cold shower.” Only problem was it took a while for the peppy to come back, sadness. But that’s a sacrifice I was willing to make.

On a scale from one to Spongebob…

You are a three. Teenage girls; loud, laugh-at-everything, teenage girls said this at my store the other night. I didn’t know there was a number Spongebob. And would the better end be Spongebob or one? Probably one.

Life has been busy in and out of the store. Oh! A costumer brought in his three week old baby boy the other night, he was so cute!!! He was so tiny and had a head full of blond baby hair, so sweet! I love little infants like that!

In store news we’ve got two new crew members helping us at night. The bad news is we’re losing one of our two cooks =[ And we’re also looking for people to work weekday nights since most of our workers are in school and need to get their homework done.  But other than that things are going pretty well. Our DM has started keeping a record of the stores in his area and so far we’ve always been in one of the top positions in almost all of our categories!

And now for a P.S.A.: If you are in a store/restaurant/office/building of any sort and you find yourself faced with a roadblock/caution-tape/a yellow wet floor cone, high chair, and a trash can blocking your way; for Heaven’s sake, and the sake of the emotional and mental well being of the employees in the area, do NOT push, pull, step over, or finagle your way around the blocked off area just so you can take a seat. The benches/tables/chairs in the NON-BLOCKED OFF area are just as good and, I promise, you will fit, they will hold your weight, and the table will not miraculously drop your food onto the floor. The employees will be thanking you in their heads and hearts and are far less likely to spit in your drink than if you do step over the barricade…(no, I’ve never spat in anyone’s drinks or food, I don’t even work the food side). But I do work the side that can’ t go home to sleep until the place is spotless. If I’ve blocked off your favorite chair/table it’s because I’ve already cleaned it for the night and I don’t have the time to go back and clean it again just because you want that particular window. There are some exceptions to this rule and if you see me working and ask or explain the situation I will most likely let you sit where you want. But just because the costumer is always right doesn’ t mean you have the right to do whatever you like because you want to. Please respect the hard work we put into giving you a clean, healthy, and fun atmosphere where you can enjoy good food and ice cream with friends and family. Realize that while we are there to serve you, indeed paid to do so, we are people too with souls and feelings. Be considerate.

Oh dear, that’s been pent up for a while…

One other thing before I sign off for the night. At my store we have two kinds of ice scoops. Tiny ones for the soda machines and gigantic ones for the ice maker in the back. On occasion when I’m taking the ice out to the machines and I see the two scoops side by side I think, “That ain’t an ice scoop. This is an ice scoop!”

Well, off to bed, Happy and Blessed New Year everybody!

Slaying the Ice Dragon!!!

Last night at work I was scooping ice out of our giant ice maker (its HUGE) and breaking up the ice chunks when a thought suddenly popped into my head, “I’m slaying the ice dragon.” Huh, the ice dragon, I like it. For some odd reason those chunks of ice bug me. They block up the machine and keep the new ice from falling so whenever I’m back there I like to break them apart so the fresher ones can fall. But then I thought, “I can’t really call it the ice dragon. That’s more of an entity than a name. ‘Hi! This is my friend Ice Dragon.’ That doesn’t really work. Hmmm.” So I was thinking Trumpkin the Ice Dragon but that’s the one dwarf from Chronicles of Narnia. Anyone out there have any suggestions?

Writer’s block, ok. I can’t see anything I’m writing so to all of you who are actually reading this you get to see how bad my typing really is, lol.
Reason I haven’t posted in a while is because I’m all worded-out, so to speak. I’ve been working on my familes’ newsletter for a while now and I’m preparing for the upcoming Novel November next month and honestly I’m tired of writing, exausted actually. and the reason I can’t see what I’m writting is because for some odd reason the posting box made my text white. same color as the background, and I have no idea how to change either of them.
In other news, I’m flying out first thing in the morning to Arizona to go to one of my best friend’s wedding. tomorrow night, that’s sure to be exciting.

Let me know if you want a trinket from home 😉

Oh and I didn’t make the title up, it’s one of my favorite quotes from the Garfield comics.