Category: Heart

…What is this place?

*Blows dusts off the handle and gently pushes the door open with a long, rusty squeak* “…Hello?” No reply, no one has been here in ages.

Darkness inhabits this dusty space, broken up only by shapes almost indistinguishable and the hanging cobwebs. It looks like I’ve stumbled into an attic of a long abandoned home. A few small shafts of light break through a dusty window across the small room from me, and I cross over to it with damp rag in hand. In a few short moments I have a dingy circle of somewhat clean glass and light pours into the room behind me.

The shapes are boxes, long abandoned, folded shut, and covered in a film of dust like everything else in this place. A few steps beyond the boxes is another shape, this one resembling a piece of furniture hidden beneath a drape cloth. Hopefully it doesn’t have any mice inhabiting it.

Taking ahold of the cloth, I pull it back to reveal an old armchair, still looking as loved as it once was beneath its cover. It’s a dusty red with dark, faded bronze paisley patterns covering it in little tufts of velvet. A few prods into the seat reveal it’s still cushy enough to sit in and steady enough to take the weight.

Lifting up the top box, I take a seat, and open the folded lid. Inside are pictures, memories I’ve stored in this place from time that is actually told. A small, wistful smile comes to my face as I look over them. I’m not the same girl I once was, and my life has changed so much since then.

I take a look at the room around me; perhaps it is time I come back to this space, perhaps it is time I make it usable and homey again. Perhaps I shall come back from time to time and make the window open a little bit wider. Perhaps, or perhaps not. I shrug, time will only tell.


Heart’s Desires

My baby brother turned 18 last month and I wrote him a little message that I thought would make a good blog post. So here it is:

18, a time for new beginnings, of a sort. A time to put behind you the childish ways of your youth and instead enter the world of adults. This does not mean you need to change who you are, but to choose wisely what you do with your time. Will you seek God or your own pleasures? It’s a curious thing; we think we know best, we’re always looking for the next temporary high to fill the black hole inside of you and me. Even though the one place we are promised to find fullness of joy is in God’s presence. Does that mean we have to die? Yes and no. While we don’t kill our bodies we do “die to self” in other words letting go of what fills us only temporarily and leaves us feeling hollow until we can get our hands on more of what left us empty in the first place. But it’s so very hard to let go, to say I am wrong and I don’t know better than you Jesus. It’s a curious thing. He died, lived in  mortal body, suffered, bled, was tortured, and carried the weight of our sins and yet we still insist on spitting in His face and shunning His love. Love and joy for eternity if only we’d receive it. As I grow older I realize what I’ve missed and how I’ve only hurt myself and my relationship with Jesus by living my own way and practically ignoring Christ’s love. Why? Because I am selfish and think I know better than the one who made me, the one who wired me to want what I want and like what I like. And yet, after all this time, I can truly say that some of my most fulfilled moments have been praising God and just spending time in His presence. It might be painful or even boring first but if you keep seeking with your whole heart then you will find Him and the fullness of joy that can be only found in having a right relationship with God. Doing otherwise by going after the world’s temporary pleasures is no better than shooting yourself in the foot.

A Drop of Beauty

I use the name ‘A Drop of Beauty’ a lot and a few of my friends were wondering where it came from, some of them even found it could be construed as somewhat negative. I certainly didn’t mean it that way, but that’s off topic.

The name comes from a  poem I wrote back in…I don’t remember but I think it was in the early 2000s, maybe ’06? anyways, I’ve only written three poems in my life, this being the third, so I’ll just post it here for those who were wondering about the origin of the name.

A Drop of Beauty

There is a drop of beauty inside of every girl,

And every drop has value more than any precious pearl,

It shines brighter than diamonds and glitters more than gold,

And every girl bestowed with it, their majesty unfolds,


For some it could be their hair, long and smooth,

Reflecting both the rays of sun and moon,

For some it is as bright as the sun on a summer day,

For others it is as dark as night which in the forest lay,


Other still it is their eyes, deep and dark,

Understanding as well as smart,

Some girls have eyes of emeralds, the deepest, purest green,

Some girls have eyes like violets which blossom in the spring,


Still to other girls it is their hearts that matter most,

They believe in love and God as well as Holy Ghost,

For them their drop of purest beauty radiantly shines,

For God is in their hearts as He as well’s in mine.


So there you have it, the story behind A Drop of Beauty

Ponderings of the Heart

I’ve had this idea running through my head and heart for a while now:

Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will obey My commandments.” That seems pretty straightforward to me. But then, that also means that the opposite is true. If I am choosing to go my own way, to sin, or to just say “Lord, I think You’re telling me to do this, but I really want to do this instead” then that is disobedience, and since the opposite of love is hatred, that means I am in essence saying “I hate you” to God. If I call someone “Lord,” but have no intension to serve Him, then He’s not really my “Lord” now is He? I’s it just an empty word or a useless title that I’m saying in vain just to sound “spiritual” in front of others.


Work. Yep, its work but of a different kind than I’ve previously described. This one actually has a desk and does not require me to run my legs off eight hours a day. Instead I’m stuck in a chair eight hours a day. I’m sure they each counteract the pros and cons of each other somehow. Besides that there are several other differences between my two jobs. One is a grocery store clerk while the other is a volunteering job, one pays in cash while the other pays in souls, one is with people who I don’t really know, the other is with those who have become my surrogate family and close friends. One has my income while the other has my heart. I’ll explain more at a later date.

Resolutions Resolved

I just thought that’d be cool title honestly =]

Well it’s that time of year again. Time to make “resolutions” that you keep for a max of three weeks, maybe a month, anyways. Afterwards you end up feeling like a failure and eventually forget about having made said “resolutions” until the next years comes around and the whole thing starts all over again. I wised up when I was younger and only made one “resolution” for many years that I was in fact able to keep. Every year on October 31st my church had a harvest festival complete with bucket loads of candy…I love candy. My resolution? Only eat one piece of candy on Oct. 31st. Made it every year until I was too big to participate anymore =D

Just what is a resolution anyways? According to it is a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something. Which we do, mostly, but why doesn’t it ever last?  A lack of self control? Life and reality getting in the way? Not enough time? Why do we make resolutions? To make a change we see that we are either lacking or have too much of in our lives. For some it’s weight loss, others exercise, spending more time with God, spending less money, etc…

You’d think we’d wise up, we aren’t going to change overnight just because we made a “resolution.” If I want to change myself I’ll have to make monthly goals and plan out how I’m going to do it. Maybe even have accountability partners.

So, my goal for this year is to make at least one post a week. Anyone who reads this is partly responsible to keep me accountable…unless you decide you don’t want me to post, lol. So, I ask that you guys stand by me this year and give me good feedback and advice =]

Blessings on all of y’all =D

Day Six, get your kicks.

Actually I could do without any kicks. I mean, who really wants to be kicked? And who the heck started that saying anyways? It’s just weird.

Well, today is Monday, my only day of the week I have off which is most likely to soon change *sigh* but for now it’s good to have a day just to myself. I’m sitting here on my bed while listening to Contact by Falling Up. My windows are opened enough that I can have the nice outside air flowing in and I can just see the greenery of our yard and not the houses or streets around me. There are a few birds singing their songs and if I just don’t look too closely it seems as if I’m away from home somewhere surrounded by green plants and trees…until that airplane flew overhead.

Well, there went that mood, now I’m listening to Imogen Heap and writing on here. What did I start this for again? Oh yeah! I’ve always been interested in writing stories (which is slightly ironic considering that spelling and grammar were, and are, my two worst subjects) so I’ve decided to join this years’s NaNoWriMo ( if you’re interested) aka National Novel Writing Month.

I’m at a point in life where I’m not sure what to do or where I’m supposed to go or grow from here. I’ve tried my hand at many different things:

Childcare. I worked as a babysitter for many years for many different people including a Women’s Bible Study group for 3-4 years and even helped out in a home based Montessori Day Care for a month.

Massage Therapy. I’ve watched a few video how-to’s and my main love language is touch so I enjoy giving my friends and family the occasional shoulder, head, or back massage but I have a few words for you as to why I wouldn’t make it proffsionally: old hairy man back.

Videography/video editor: dang it, mom wants the pc I’ll finish this post later, wha.

…or just me but “I’ve” didn’t really seem to fit there.

Okay, so the reason I’m doing this blog is because a few of my close friends write blogs and it both encouraged me to read what they’ve written and inspired to do one of my own.

Only, I’m not as encouraging as them.

And, I don’t know what to write.

…huh, this is tougher than I thought. Hmm.

I know! Something about what I did today. Let’s see, what did I do today?…

I woke up this morning feeling pretty cruddy (allergies),

Grabbed my purse, out the door, gotta catch my daddy (he’s driving today).

Before I leave, check the fridge, for a little snack,

Cause at work, around three, the munchies attack.

…yes, I just did that. Oh wow, I have no life…might finish the parody someday but I doubt it.

That was my morning, had a long meeting at work talking about this generation’s interests and how to reach them, or try to anyways. My mom and I went out to lunch at someplace called Cowboy Chicken. Wasn’t too bad of a place, meal was interesting. My ordered us each half a chicken. I was expecting parts and pieces but no. They roasted a chicken over a wood fire, took a knife, cut it in half down the middle and put it on our plate along with a bun and scoop of butternut squash. It was good but I was not expected half a chicken to be lying on my plate and I was very glad my younger brother (Ben) was not there to watch us feasting (he’s got this thing about meat, but he’s cool). The meat was kinda dry and the squash cold but it tasted alright. If I went again I’d get their potatoes, they’re amazing!

…So how exactly did this turn into a restaurant critic?

After lunch I went back to work and worked on a project but that started to have software issues so I switched from that to learning about a different program: Adobe Encore. It’s a DVD/Blu-ray/flash video for website creator that so far I’m liking but I did wish it had some improvements so far. There is a website that I use for learning about the program I would suggest to anybody: It has something on everything! Thousands of tutorials about consumer to professional level software done by professionals who actually take the time and effort to make something anyone can follow. The only downside is that you have to buy a membership but it’s well worth it.

And now it’s a plug for a website. Great start.

Day ended with a good friend coming over for dinner with the family followed by a friendly game of Farkul (I won!) with ice cream and strawberries for dessert.